"And when they banned the word Fuck
I did not speak up
Because I found **** to be sexier anyways"
-- qDot

Part of forming a free, online sex network is teach people to realize they can have sex over many different communications forms. Phone sex has been around for decades, but the payment model will rip your wallet out of your pocket faster than you can unzip your pants. What you're paying for there is the fact that you know there's going to be someone on the other end of the line that's moaning and groaning for your simulated pleasure.

These days, we have the internet, and a billion different ways to talk to each other. Long distance charges are becoming a thing of the past, so we could easily spend all of our unlimited nights and weekends whacking it with a sore ear. However, with the increases in technology, why should we be stuck with just audio?

The obvious answer to this question is webcams. For a commerical replacement to phone sex, it's the correct one, too. However, not everyone wants or needs to pay for web cam sex. Some people want to engage each other online, but the thought of naked, compromising pictures of themselves being broadcast across insecure means boots them right back to the phone. This is where video games come in.

Video games provide a middle ground between strict communications systems such as text chat/phone conversations and full video systems, without producing the possibility of having a picture of your legs spread on the front page of fark the next day. Having sex through an avatar allows extra sense simulation in a prebuilt environment, even though it possibly wasn't meant for it (a term known as "emergent sex"). Hell, most places wern't meant for sex, but that's never stopped us!

Silly pervert, games are for kids and non-perverts!

Well, games WERE for kids. The demographics of games have been shifting drastically since the advent of the Playstation. PC games were always more of a "grown up" affair, due to the entry level needed to be able to start and play a game. Consoles allow you to just pop a game in and go, though, which means the people you meet online are of indescriminate age. You never know who is going to be on the other side of that really sexy Pink Master Chief in a Blood Gulch one-on-one match, so it's best to get on the internet, talk to people, plan ahead of time, and THEN meet up online. Game matchup systems are built to match people in terms of skill and latency timings, not which color of toenail polish they like to apply to their mistresses feet. Trying to randomly walk into a room of anything other than an MMO and flat out ASK for sex will usually get you kicked, and possibly your account nixxed.

Speaking of account nixxing, having sex in online games that require membership in general is a risk. Quoting from the Xbox Live terms of service, for example:

_ Your use of the Service is subject to the Code of Conduct. You also agree not to do any of the following while being connected to the Service:

...Publish, distribute, or disseminate any inappropriate, profane, defamatory, infringing, obscene, indecent, or unlawful topic, name, material, file or information. _

Having sex on a console gaming service violates this one in many, many different ways, and will most likely get your account yanked if you start going at it in a 32 player team match. This is another argument for setting up a time/place BEFORE you start playing. If you meet in a private area with only you and whoever else wants to be involved, there's a much smaller chance of the perverbial online "mom" walking in on all of you.

You can, and will, be tracked also. For console games, you don't own the servers, the hosting company does. They retain all rights to record whatever you do. This shouldn't make you overly paranoid unless you're breaking federal laws, but it's something to think about.

While we're at it, don't even think about charging real money for the service of in-game sex either. EVERY online game EULA contains something along the lines of (This time taken from the Unreal Tournament EULA):

You may not offer the Software on a pay-per-play basis or otherwise commercially exploit the Software or use the Software for any commercial purpose except as described in this agreement.

So, no setting up a video game sex "call center" in your local LAN cafe, 'cause you'll get everyone sued to hell and back. Besides, we totally already thought of the idea, we call dibs as soon as civilization crumbles and the lawless rule the streets.

Having your sex and eating it too

Back to the fun part: The sex having.

We'll be spending the rest of the article going over how to choose a game as an avatar system, but first we'll cover the general specifics of good in-game sex.

Controller Types

We've all heard the one-handed typing jokes for years. It's now time to seriously discuss the merits of it. Bet you'd never thought you'd see that, eh? Remember, we're looking for basic abililties to move and communicate, as this is using the game environment as an avatar area, not a game. Headshot fetishists can write their own damn article.

Here's a few different controller types we'll cover

We're not going to tell you which one you should use, it's all a matter of personal perference, and what platform you're playing on. Sometimes you may not have a choice.

Game Research

Stepping into a new game with very little experience in how it works isn't going to be sexy for anyone. All parties involved should know the basic controls when they connect, 'cause no one wants a n00bfest to interrupt the foreplay.

Beyond that, it's good to know about the intricacies of a game. What will trigger force feedback events, and in what way? Where is the strip club level, and how can you get there? You can interweave game events with whatever's going on over the voice chat to create a more immersive environment.

Let's take some examples from Halo, which can probably be used in any FPS

Ideas like this can make your experience much more entertaining.

Now, onto talking about where to play.

A place and time for everything

Depending on your platform of choice, you've got a few different options.

If you're on a PC, you've got a ton of different choices for gaming, but your best bet is going to be Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games, or MMORPGs for short, or MMOs for really short. MMOs like World of Warcraft are already teaming with sex, and don't even get me started on The Sims Online. There's some crazy, crazy people on there.

Second Life: Scriptable Sex, and much, much more. Photo via [The Convocational

Second Life]( is by far the most extensible of online avatar communities, with a user customizable object system that already has sex built in.

Sociolotron: All the eroticism of a isometric RPG, wrapped in a hot MFC interface.

There are some MMOs that make sex part of the game, such as Underworld and Sociolotron. However, the quality of the games is questionable at best. If you're looking at a game that you're going to have a pay a monthly fee for anyways, you might as well choose a major server with decent gameplay to go along with the sex, or else just use a virtual community like Second Life, versus something that barely works but has a few sex animations built in.

We don't usually condemn fetishes here, but please note that Puzzle Pirates sex is WRONG.

Most PC based FPSs support force feedback controllers, which means you can use them as stated above. Add to this the fact that you can run your own private servers as well as easily create modifications for the games, and you've got yourself a good time without nearly as many worries as trying to play on a console system.

All online PC games have text chat, with audio chat (LEEEEEROOOOOYYYY JENKINS!) built into some. This means you can use either voice or keyboard to interact with other people, just in case your significant other is stuck on the losing end of a dial-up modem connection.

Console gaming requires a little more creativity than PC gaming, due to the difference in audience and lack of textual communication. You don't see quite as many MMO's on consoles at the moment, so you'll probably be dealing in a game that's going to take some creativity to make work for your situation (unless you really, REALLY like car crashes or basketball or something).

For most modern consoles, you're more or less guaranteed force feedback in the controller. Most online games feature voice chat, and headsets are common these days, so unlike PCs, when you hop online with someone else, you can assume they've got the same equipment you do.

All it takes is a little imagination... (Or possibly a lot)

As for games, the FPS stuff mentioned earlier still holds, but you'll be looking at a different class of games on consoles. Less mass personal interaction, more teams and small groups of people playing together. This will most likely require you to get very creative in order to have a sexually charged experience, but hey, that's your job, not mine. Remember, you've got total control of the voice channel, so see what you can do to spice up that otherwise dull game of NCAA Football.

Go Forth and Make Controllers Sticky

So is anyone actually gonna use this? Will someone have sex through Splinter Cell? I honestly have no idea. Most of the stuff I listed in this article is rather silly, but the point is to let people know about using video games as avatar systems instead of just games. Games have turned from limited side scrollers into gigantic environments with all sorts of usage unforseen by the original developers, and nothing is stopping anyone from taking advantage of that. Even without the modding capabilities of a PC game, you can still have a good time. People have already turned games into movie production software, house planners, and other tools, so there's no reason not to put your mind in the gutter, turn on your night vision, and have hot top secret spy mansex in the middle of an Eastern European Military Installation.

I can't believe I just said that.