As part of our new series, "qDot covers old indiegogo campaigns in lieu of actually writing about relevant topics," we present the Blackcatbox by Sikwrx (No I don't know how to pronounce it either), an indiegogo campaign for which ran in Nov-Dec 2013. It is a STROKING DEVICE, YOU UNCULTURED FUCKWIT. IT IS NOT A FUCKING VIBRATOR AND HOW DARE YOU THINK SUCH. GAH. HOW COULD YOU EVEN.

Luckily this anger means it's findable in an indiegogo search for "vibrator" which is how I'm mostly finding campaigns to write about now.

So yeah. Before I dive into this, let me quote the last line on their indiegogo campaign page:

We hope we have not offended anyone in any way, our designs and approach to our product is intended for mature people.

Remember that. Now watch this (in silence, as they somehow forgot to add the audio track to the video)..

Ok now that you've suffered through that, here's a static picture of the toy.

That's definitely... a thing. In that I'm not sure I have words for it, or the language that I speak even has words for it. I guess they're eschewing the modern "amorphous blob ergonomics" look for "3-eyed pink snail wearing a FUCKING FABULOUS SADDLE."

Don't get me wrong, I like pink snails wearing fabulous fucking saddles. Love might not even be too strong a word in this matter.

I don't think I want them between my legs though.

To be fair, when building something with a linear thrusting mechanism, you have to put the hardware somewhere, and this is definitely a novel way to do it. It's one of the smaller encasements I've seen for that kind of mechanism, though that also makes me wonder how they deal with battery life while simultaneously powering a radio and something that needs to be strong enough to overcome pelvic muscle contractions. I can't find any videos of the toy in use to prove it can do so, even.

Anyways, you or someone else can control your saddle snail with a smartphone, though it actually has wifi built in, meaning similarly to LovePalz, you don't need to be tethered to a bluetooth device to use it. I can't find a place to get the control app for either iPhone or Android though.

The campaign netted a grand total of US$277, slightly short of their $100,000 goal. Their twitter account netted something close to 3k followers, though most look to be spam/bought follows.

However, their website already lists the product for sale, at the price of $250 a piece. Apparently there are 90-some in stock of the orange and pink, and "fgxn gnfgn fg" of the purple. The Download app page is Lorem Ipsum'd, the blog link goes nowhere. Doesn't exactly instill trust.

But now everyone at least knows of my love for pink snails with saddles. So this post was worth it.