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2257. It is alive, and for those of us in the good ol' NoPussyPictures States of America, the bitchin', moanin', and form fillin' has begun.

Here at Slashdong Labs (I just decided we're a labratory. Next project: bunsen burner dildo!), 2257 isn't doing much other than curtailing a little bit of wank time as we scroll past all of the warnings to get to the pre-1995 pictures (mmmm, flannel porn. I miss grunge.). We didn't have to do shit for compliance other than yank our NakkidNerds ads (That's what you get for never saying hi to me in the hallway at school, Cloei! :P). We don't yet create content (wanna get naked for us? Wanna do it for free? Email us now!), we feature as little flesh as possible (the only known flesh on the site is the GIRL HAND in the SexBox article and my feet in the Sexercise video, and those don't really count), and I doubt many people visit here in order to get off anyways.

Now sure, I realize that people enjoy having sex, usually with other people. We're doing the best we can to eradicate that need through technology, but until then, it seems we're stuck with people wanting to do it with, or at least see others doing it with, people. 2257 really fucks that up that last part.

Since the law has come into effect, you've got a few options:

  • Whine, pout, and rant
  • Get good at filling out forms
  • Remember that all that turns on isn't out-and-out (or in-and-out, teehee) porn
  • Use technology to its fullest and possibly get used to some anti-aliasing in your porn

The first 2 options have been covered very, very in depth on many other sites, so I'm not going into that. It doesn't seem like anyone is considering options outside of this, though.

Basically, to get around 2257 without the form filling, you need to take the human out of the human reproduction, but still make it sexy enough that it will make people want to reproduce. Without bringing technology into this, there are still fetishes that may not look like fetishes to other people. I'll cover a few here.

  • Fursuits and Furrys

  • Sure, the internet hates you and you're considered a joke to most of the fetish scene, but as long as you never take the head off the suit, who knows if there's a real human in there? Now you can point and laugh back at all the people already pointing at launghing!

  • Wet and Messy

  • A girl with mud on her to some is OMG A GIRL WITH MUD ON HER to others.

  • Crush

  • Stepping on things. Yup.

See? These are all fetishes. Fetishes that drive people to orgasm. Fetishes that people spend a TON of money to see, but that could easily go on totally under the radar. Someone doesn't have to be looking like they're having sex in order to be sexy. Everyone who got my Crash references in the first Sexbox tutorial knows this.

Also, take this time to think about all the times you get turned on while you're not watching porn. All the times you drive by that McDonald's billboard and the picture of Ronald smiling just makes you all happy in your pants. All the times you masturbate to the weather segment of the news, because storms are sexy. All the times when you're watching the poop machine at the local museum and... ok, you get the idea.

Yes, 2257 sucks, I'm not saying it doesn't. This is a setback to the freedoms we enjoy as sexual begins. This is an act by people who don't think you should be seeing other people have sex, and don't want to leave that choice up to you. But remember that we have come so far as a species that we can now sexualize ANYTHING.

Be proud every time you accidently pop a tent and have to cover it up with a newspaper (or don't, if you're, you know, into that).

Be proud every time you have to reupholster a chair.

Be proud and know you're sticking it to the man.

They can ban (or at least, severely hamper and annoy makers of) naked pictures, but they can't ban everything. Hell, we've said that we think engineering and math are sexy. I got physically attacked (in a good way) when doing Analysis and Graph Theory homework in college. They'll never be able to ban that. I'm sure anyone reading this can think of a similar experience they've had.

As has been said by many a pissed off parent, "It's only dirty if you make it that way". So remember, make EVERYTHING dirty. Life is just more fun that way.

In our next post, we get back to being subversive evil geniuses and start talking about what technology can do to sidestep 2257 compliance.